• Brittany

5 Reasons He is Not the One - Dating Advice for My 20-Something Self

When I entered back into the dating world as an independent adult I quickly realized all the rules had changed. Online dating was the thing, and meeting guys in classes or just out and about wasn't in the cards for me. Let's face it... the idea of talking to a stranger in a bar absolutely terrified me. I met several interesting dateable men right away, but no one I really felt compatible with.

Fast forward a few months into the dating game and I met a guy that showed me exactly what I was looking for, before you begin to roll your eyes and click-on to another article I can tell you that this isn't the man I married. This man was all wrong for me and I'm a firm believer that you need to date the guy that is all wrong for you, before you can find the one that's exactly right for you.

I enjoyed entertaining dates, nights on the town, and fine dining. Evenings filled with laughter and fun, but something was always missing. It took me a long time, longer than I wish to admit, to realize that there was something very wrong about the situation. While all the obvious factors were staring me directly in the face, I couldn't see them. Most likely because I didn't want to see them and maybe because many of the women in my life made excuses for his strange behavior regularly (Why do we do that to each other, by the way?) .

I'm writing this, not to throw this guy under the bus (... or rant my frustration with types like these), but because I hear other females complain about similar events and disappointments. So hopefully this helps shed light on your situation if you're sitting pondering over the possibility of something with someone who you're not quite so sure about...

5 Reason's He is Not the One

1. He has a schedule and you're kept to specific dates even though you've been dating for a few months. I understand some people have work schedules or other commitments that may impact their ability to schedule a date with you. The right guy, however, won't want to wait a week from next Tuesday to see you... he's going to want to see you as soon as he truly can. Also, if he's scheduling you out a week or so in advance (regularly) and he doesn't have a heavy work schedule, weekly sport practice, or any other truly valid reason... let's just say he's probably dating other women or doesn't completely care when he sees you next. Maybe you're okay with that, and then again maybe you aren't.

2. You're 3 or 4 months into dating and you've never met and of his friends... Assuming he has friends, he's probably going to want their input on you or at the very least to see how you and his friends interact together.

3. He will text you like it's his job, but he'll never pick up the phone and call. Yes, not all of us are phone people... but if you can't have a conversation on the phone from time to time it probably is a no go.

4. He avoids talking long-term.... future relationship potential or an event that's happening a month or so away. I get it, some people aren't ready for things to move that quickly, but if you are and he's not then maybe it's time to reevaluate.

5. He's dating other women and you're starting to piece that together. While I get this may be a cause for controversy and you may be perfectly fine dating other guys, while he dates other girls.... many relationships with long-term potential do not start out this way.

Mr. All-Wrong stuck around for a while and I had to finally stop and say this isn't working for me - and while I really wanted it to work I knew I had to hold out for something better. While it may seem obvious when you glance at this list, it surprisingly wasn't in the moment. When I met my husband, however, I knew I had found someone authentic and genuine who wanted to be around me just as much as I wanted to be around him. Let me be that bold and honest girl friend for you, like I wish someone was for me... if he's not making himself reasonably available for you, then is he really someone to keep around? If you're distancing yourself from him, or maybe you find yourself struggling to not do the things listed above are you being completely honest and considerate of him?

At the end of the day don't allow yourself to get so swept up with the thought of anyone, or anything, that keeps you from being the truest most genuine form of you. I'm all for giving people chances, and being open to finding love in unexpected places... but if a little red flag is raising in your mind maybe it's time to start exploring what that means.